Getting Lit[erary] with Ms James in 2025: +10,000 Honor 💪

'Be a man'

Disney - Mulan (1998)

A paper concerning the mental health of men,

and analysis of 'The Altar of the Family' by Australian author Michael Wilding (1970)

Hello there :) My name is Adeoluwa, a high school student passionate about the mental health of guys my age, and it's my pleasure to write to you about something that'll raise awareness on this topic! So, lets get down to business, shall we?

It is no secret that nowadays, boys not just my age, but right around the world are facing a mental health epidemic. If you haven't seen it on social media, you would've heard it on the news. And if not, then someone would've (and should've) told you.

'The Altar of the Family' explores the intricacies of this mental epidemic, specifically the detrimental effect that the standards young men are held to during one's adolescence has on selfhood, mental wellbeing and confidence. Set in the fictional town of Birrendulee in what is presumed to be Australia, the story follows a young boy David, and his relationship with his father Mr Murray. It raises criticism on the pressures that social and familial expectations place on young boys to fit the definition becoming a man in Australia.

The intentionally ambiguous 'family' and 'honour' loom over David, as he wrestles with confusion surrounding these ideas and how to become a man befitting of his family. The desire to fulfil this enigmatic sense of honour, protection, and to simplify oneself (yes vague, but this is intentional: it will be explored!) are key aspects I will delve into today. In different stages of society, whether a generation ago (in the 1970s), or in the current world, the reigns of these masculine standards hold strong, and I too as a young man identify with this struggle! In particular, this prose by an Australian male author could be reflective of his past experiences and struggles with masculine expectations. I too would like to share some of my own concurrent knowledge & experiences, which help me sympathise and relate to the questions this prose rises on expectations of what it means to be a growing male in modern day Australian society!

“Too many men I know experience shame because society places pressure on them to withhold emotion: emotion and sensitivity is weak. I have found the opposite is true: emotion and sensitivity is what makes us strong.”

-Natalie Brenner, This Undeserved Life: Uncovering The Gifts of Grief and The Fullness of Life

1. The desire to fulfil a sense of honour (what exactly??)

This is the question that drives the entire story, as David, a young boy, chases after an enigmatic 'honour' that promises to solve his internal conflict with his more feminine side. David is shamed repeatedly by his father at the expression of anything he deems feminine, as this subverts Mr Murray's expectation that his son should be both masculine, and honourable. The concept of "Family" perplexes David, as he can "never understand the idea" yet he knows it must have some involvement with "the problem of Honour" that Mr Murray is fixated on. These enigmas (which even become proper nouns as testament to their significance for David), set a goal for the young boy who desires to make sense of his world and achieve "honour avenged." He seeks to become a man respected by his father after being demeaned for dressing and undressing "dolls", dressing up with "white plumes" and rejecting the "slaughter" of animals like his sister, all of which subvert his father's expectations of how he'll fulfil manhood.

Thereby, when a possum breaks into the house and insults the family's "honour," David has a deep-seated will to "wreak vengeance" not only for himself, but to fill the shoes cast by his father by shooting the animal. Set in a world which could reflect Wilding's own past experiences, this conviction exemplifies the desire to fulfil the societal expectation that boys are held to of becoming someone strong and 'befitting of a family' in their transition to manhood. This reflection of the time extends to my life too as a modern day Australian student, where academic success, but also physical strength and athletic excellence are idealised for young boys to become a 'good man' who can shoulder a family. While this expectation inherently has no ill will attached (and I do think it can be a good thing!) we do see the detrimental effects of this on men today, especially as social media influencers perpetrate stereotypes and standards that misalign men's perspectives on manliness.

In light of the 'self improvement' trend, one need not search far to find men convincing young boys online that their lives are 'desperately at risk' and they must do something (not excluding the patronising of women) to stand up and fulfil some broad sense of manhood. I agree that independence is important, but I do think they take it too far sometimes...

2. The desire to protect (but who???)

The will to exhibit paternal authority as a man, and to guard something (even your own ego) is almost universal among men (at least the ones I know). Especially as a young boy in an Australian high school, one's identity as a man is also linked to one's ability to 'sponge' and accept any abuse without complaint if it's for someone else's sake. In the name of demonstrating willpower by gritting one's teeth through 'hard yakka', guys my age tend are set this expectation by peers. David, an adolescent boy, characterised as lacking in manly instincts or honour by bearing likeness to his sister, questions whether he too is a "lily-livered poofter," which Mr Murray calls his daughter for detesting the "mass shoots" of innocent animals. In the name of "proving himself manly," and protecting his family's honour, David mans his father's rifle, premeditating the very murder that his sister (and part of his old self) abhorred.

The possum, "white", "soft" and "beautiful", yet "proleptic of its own death", is the epitome of David's effeminate side. Yet he puts this innocent being, which is symbolic of his heart's own soft morality, to death. He knew from
his father that "whiteness", a common symbol for innocence and purity, was wrong. Paradoxically though, being a "white man" was good. When read as an Australian text, where a horrific history of colonisation may precede the family (as hinted to by David asking whether their ancestors were Australian "convicts"), the error in showing whiteness, and thereby femininity, that Mr Murray proposes is thereby questioned.

David shooting the possum is counterproductive, as while he views it as a necessary sacrifice to protect the honour of his family, to what end is this achieved?? Following this death, the "hollow"-ness and "guilt" he feels unfortunately achieve nothing, as not even the slightest stain of blood remains of his "trophy", the "corpse" for which he "numbed" himself and stooped to murder to get. And yet, nobody is protected, and David is harmed in the process.

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I'd like to state the elephant in the room. This mental epidemic is a real thing. Many men may find it difficult to voice their opinions and struggles, whether for fear of vulnerability being emasculated like David or not. This is one effect of the immobilisation caused by the male expectation to be strong, and independent. The desire to protect, whether it be for oneself or a set of values (like David's familial honour) is again an inherently positive thing. Yet, toxicity comes in the form of a lack of vulnerability and the pushing of oneself into solitude by numbing the need for communication of our emotions.

This means it is so important to reach out to other people around you, both for their sake, and if you are struggling. Talking to other guys my age around me has widened my perspective on the complexities in personalities and individual lives. You're not in this alone!!

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< Estimated prevalence of past year anxiety and depression among Australian males aged 10-57 in 2013/14:

After my first reading, I found myself in a deep conversation with one of my close friends for what felt like the first time. It became apparent to me the complexities of his internal monologue, thoughts and concerns, which all remain hidden under the single toned-masculine face I see him put on in front of others. Not because it's more comfortable, but because it's more easily accepted.

So, what is 'being a man' as they say?

If to be ‘manly’ means to be still and unfeeling like it is here^^, then I would much rather redefine the term. Genuine masculinity is authentic in nature, which requires acknowledging the vulnerable idiosyncrasies we have as different people leading different lives. Wilding demonstrates the internal complexities of life as a growing boy, which confronts the detrimental effects of Australian masculine standards on children who are forced to grow up in modern, socially pressured environments. Honestly men hurt do a lot. I'd like to highlight that I haven't covered every mental health issue under the sun, so by all means, please do some research yourself! Some of us do enjoy playing with barbie dolls (I know I sure did!)